I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
