you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
