i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
