Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
