She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
