I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
