Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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