so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
