He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
