yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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