____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
