Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
