How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
