go do what you do best...puke behind churches
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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