Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Boobs are out for the taking
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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