Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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