So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
