a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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