I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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