I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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