i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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