I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
