Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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