Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
