Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
