It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
