OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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