Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
