Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
