I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bring me that man meat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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