It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
