Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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