You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sex in a hospital.. check
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
