what day is it and did you see me today?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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