1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
