So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
