My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
