If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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