my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
