How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
