so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
