how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
