Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Operation Purity has been aborted
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
