i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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