Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
