so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
