There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
