My hand turned me down
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
