There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
