Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
