She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
