I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
