I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
