You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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