Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
